Still thinking of a purpose…

I do have to admit being in army really did dull my sense, and for some reason that I avoided getting into command school, partly is due to my health problem as well as some personal problems which I do not wish to suffer to serve the nation in such a manner for me… I’m not like some of my friends who aspire to be an officer or specialist and even cut out to be like them to excel in BMT and get posted into the future aspect in the 2 years of liability, but as for me I still fighting for a constant 8-5 posting.

As last week’s management was pretty wonked up, I was given my final 2 days leave and now I’ve none left… At least I spent that well meeting up with Hong and Desmond which I’ve not seen for more than months… I thought to myself, regarding surviving in the gaming industry, and I did have that in mind to start a clan for online gaming, majoring in LoL, DOTA and MW3 for the starting phase… Looking at how PMS*Asterisk did, led by Tammy Tang (furryfish) it indeed inspired me in many ways, on how they did and definitely enjoying with what they are doing as part of cyber gaming furthermore they are a rare breed to venture into famous spotlight to even the central of many countries. MYM too with the infamous Daryl Koh (iceiceice), I was telling myself my skills and knowledge are starting to rot in these 2 years and I have to prevent it… BUT HOW!

Well, Hong is one of the person that I’ve seen to have the experience of competitive gaming since he had taken part before in major tournaments, it wouldn’t be difficult. Based on what he had mentioned he lost all the contacts ever since enlistment, well that proves it that something is wrong in the 2 years jail :/ But well, since he is ORD-ed, he have some time to spare and furthermore his preparing for D3, and it DOES attracts me to go and acquire it but it is not easy as financial wise -.-

Nonetheless, that doesn’t really stop me from thinking about continue gaming, furthermore it is something that I can do and enjoy, so why not? I do know that the society of the higher up does not look at cyber gaming in the positive way, but that will not hinder the process… I can visualise the future when my team will be in Colosseum@SG training, and taking part in major tournaments

Besides that working in Garena is part of my dream after ORD Last but not least, PMS*Asterisk will be heading for the next competition~ Cheers for them

Some post~

Ok, got posted out to be a regimental police… Apparently it does not look as slack as it seems =.= its tough ok~ enough said as i dun wanna include much of this in the page

During my army life, I’ve been looking back alot, and I mean A LOT into my poly life, thinking about what I will be doing when I ORD, and some of the interest and plans about what to do to my life… Apparently it is not gonna be easy especially when I am in Singapore. University itself already is 1 main issue typically require one to possess a degree in order to secure a job, as the old sayings. For me I will pursue a degree provided if I have a place and definitely the money to, furthermore I still enjoy my time studying as you will be learning more things than in army =.=

Had supper with Tee Ang and Gab, shared many things too talking about lifestyle in Singapore…Usually these are the topics that we talk about when we are reaching our age of turning into new adults, which is something that cannot be avoided…sigh….Well that is part of being in stress nation…Honestly speaking, I prefer stressing over educational stuffs over soldier stuffs.

After reading some article from this colleague gamer, Aerial Phirkan, who is also a professional e-gamer, http://newnation.sg/2011/08/singapore-gamers-not-receiving-enough-support-from-govt-facebook-note/, I understood how he felt because I myself once wanted to be a full-time gamer, just like some people in Korea where they game as a living, representing their country and bringing honor in a different way, but why can’t Singapore do it? Isn’t it discrimination to a particular sports? I told myself that when I have a chance, I will want to join the players in Singapore and make it into international competition and bring glory as well, and to bring it straight into attention to the government of how we, the gamers feel… Definitely support local talent turns out to be nothing more than a casual statement, all I see are foreigners being supported-.-

Sigh, having said all these, I still need to think about what my future lies too… To make it happen, it does require tremendous team effort because it is a huge change project. When I heard about clans in Singapore achieving victory in various tournaments, I was amazed as they are Singapore’s very own team, furthermore its a full fledged team~! So why do we hesitate to cheer for them?

All I have to say this week ends here, and I have to again concentrate on what is my purpose… and I still miss the days in poly, times when doing FYP in library despite off days and talking to facilitators as though we are friends, this manner will allow us to excel beyond normal education could… It is really a great memory stored.~

POP LO

Like finally~~~~ Im outta that island -.- Very very long and tough days yet memorable moments with my platoon…then came the BBQ which was pretty fun, but in the end brought home alot of food =.= I’m still thinking how to finish them, besides I’m still having fever since last monday, i guess its over-zealous and over-exhaustion, and right now im having medication which is not ideal too….

Supposed to do alot of things yet I keep having the intention to stay home and rest, I do not know why but well, the holiday week is gonna end very soon in about 2 days time and alot of things are left undone, then it will be the postings sigh… Hopefully I will be able to get into what I’ve wished for…

Finally the schedule is here!

Phew, alright today is the final book in that I will have to go through before my POP. Excited but sian because it is damn early to go back in but 6 days of counting down to Float@Marina encourages me.

8 Oct = POP, rest a little bit in the afternoon and then BBQ at night
9 Oct =  Rest for the day till noon, catch up with my brothers~
10 Oct = Head for medical stuffs in the morning and then event stuff in the afternoon
11 Oct = Time for some Terra-Cotta Exhibition and Lan outing
12 Oct = Stay at home to study some stuffs related to my interest
13 Oct =  Catch up with platoon mates if there is 1 such event
14 Oct = Check on my posting and decide what to do
15 Oct = Outing with Republicans
16 Oct = Rest and prepare for posted unit =.=

Well i guess that is the schedule which is tentative for changes still. And damn I’m still having fever despite booking in soon…. Well hope I will be able to go back safely and complete most of my stuffs in camp before lights out for a rest =.=

Protected: My prayer….

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My personal discipline…

This could rather be my principle or whatever you gonna call it…. Right now serving in the national service in BMT phase is getting hectic, hectic, and worst, its taking a huge toll on me, however that doesn’t really stop me much to move on further….Yes I am aware that it is extremely stressful… Especially just last week, it was field camp week where the entire company got tekaned for some or no reasons at all~ that was the time when I broke down alot yet unable to hold back… at that point in time I was wondering what am I doing here and kept thinking about my family and friends… I felt helpless and hopeless, desperately seeking help and assistance to get me outta situation.

Well, nonetheless I am left with 1 more final dash on month to finish my BMT and graduate from Tekong~ So despite having my medical condition all that, I can only do is endure through it and see what I have in the future, hope that is not difficult for me still…

Alright, for these 4 months I am proud to say that in the past 3 months I’ve yet to touch any fast food at all Hence I will want to set a goal that after my POP during the block leaves, what I will want to achieve and do to fulfill myself and reward myself who had gone through hell x.x

• Eat some good food
• Fast food
• Marche
• Pastamania
• Chicken Rice
• Bat Kut Teh
• Prata
• Japanese Food
• STARBUCKS
• Definitely some of my favorite hawker centre!
• Buy some things for my computer
• USB to USB cable
• Cat5 Cable
• 1TB Portable Harddisk, more likely to be WD Passport Essential SE
• Razer Lycosa
• Visit Asian Civilization Museum for Terra Cotta Army Exhibition which is ending on October 16 2011, anyone wanna join me?
• Visit Republic Polytechnic, find my mentors who taught me well
• Have a good meal with my family and relatives, this is a must for every bookout that I have, even now!
• Catch up with my poly friends, especially those who walked with me in the toughest time till graduation
• Go to Gabriel’s new house and continue fixing his home theater, perhaps internet wireless design in his mansion
• Read up on my Warcraft Novel and listen to music for relaxation time
• Go to temples for thanksgiving session
• Meet up with my trustful platoon mate
• Have a fun lan gaming session with my brothers!
• Watch movies at home with my family!
• Meditation Period
• Perhaps go back to church to see my long lost friends, especially QiWei
• Personal Gaming session at home
• Catch up with Mr Sandman, who had not played with me for 4 months~
• Refresh my coding skills and things that I’ve learned in poly, thats definitely
• Watch anime!

Now thats alot of thing to do, and to fulfill even I also not sure how will I finish all of them, and the list is still tentative to changes D: but well no point thinking about whether I can finish or not because I will set my mind that I HAVE to finish it and maybe I have to draw some time to visit private specialist and my family doctor for my medical condition. So far that is all for this post, and my determination to the endurance, hope that after field camp, things will not get worse but for the better for me =.=

My current days….

Alright, after my graduation it turned into that I am enlisted into the army after working for 2 months and resting for a month.

My days in army for these 2 months, wasn’t something extremely nice and extremely ugly, it just that I am under tremendous pressure most of the time… Good thing that I’ve great bunk mates or so called section mates that doesn’t hate each other but kept pushing each other on, motivational and encouraging for each and everyone living under the same room.

However I feel very confused and dilemma-tic, due to the fact that I am a medically sick person who is allocated into a combat unit. Before I go on, I have to say that despite being allocated into such a tough vocation, I always tell myself to endure endure and endure. It is not easy, seriously it is hectic and taking a huge toll on my body. Around 75%, I have to fall out after every activities due to my chest pain, and 30% I am sent to the medical center. Always given painkillers and always told by the same story that I will have to repeat my course for another 4 months, I felt really threatened and have to share my troubles with my section commander, I feel like a troubled person in my platoon and company -.- THAT IS NOT FUN AT ALL.

Countless times that I’ve been to the medical center that most of the personal knows me and even told by the officer that I am having psychological problem, I am fine with it but I do not know why though. No choice, I have to approach a specialist in National Heart Center, and I was told that it was my old problem relapsing again. Then I have to go back for further review and go through a stress test for my heart for deeper investigation.

Till now I am still in a dilemma of what I should do, it seems like genuine problem or fake problem, the medical officer also treat it with the same thing as long as you have no hair on your head that knocks onto his door and sit down to have a conversation with -.-
It is either I endure the pain throughout the whole phase so as not to allow my authorities suspect that I am faking and condition changes? OR I go for a downgrade which will not jeopardize my health condition but at the cost of unable to graduation with my section mates? Whenever thinking of this, I will shed my tears as I’ve never face a stress which I cannot solve, but this is something that was unreasonably unsolvable by own means =.=

Sigh, this is a troublesome thing now… Good thing I’ve great brothers like Gabriel, Tee Ang, Derry and Kenneth and even Aggie to keep me going… Most of the time booking out we will meet up to think about problems and chill out. Else I may end up becoming a psychotic animal =.=

Booking in later on, hope it won’t turn out to be a tough moment for this week…. I shall continue praying…

Sighness

The world is in a mess right now…. The recent gigantic incident that struck Japan had gotten me worried almost everyday, it has been a long time since I’ve been worrying about something. I’m seriously saddened and heartbroken when I saw that catastrophe happened, I mean that this kind of thing shouldn’t happened to a country with high culture, among all the countries that I’ve known, they are one of the best in my opinion, furthermore I would want to live there when I grow older as well. Japan is seriously a country of my ideal dream and hopes.

If only I have a choice of going to Japan to help those people out in the disaster area, lend a hand to the people who are having difficulties in Japan, I will do it. I know this is something that I ‘kept’ saying and not showing any action, hence futile and the least I could do is to pray for them and donate money to them. I strongly believe that this shall be a turning point for the better of Japan, よくすお、にほん！、がんばてにほんじん！

Apart from the Japan incident, I would want to voice out that the recent ‘humanoid’ incident that happened, and its related to church again, but it has almost no effect on me as I’ve left and I’m more like a renegade now. Someone was kicked out again, out of what reason which I’m not sure, but as far as I can tell is that if they keep on kicking, then I do not think something spiritual will surface again, simple as that because it has turned political since the start and it is still ongoing with human activities rather than spiritual life…End.

My personal life is still ongoing, beside worrying about Yunna-nee in Japan, am still going on as a worker back in school, which earns me 7 bucks an hour, which is not that bad for a fresh graduate from polytechnic bleh~ Besides, I do find that the brotherhood is drifting apart soon, and I definitely have to host out something to bring them back together, the only obstacle would be time and unforeseen circumstances. Ever since Gab gotten his love life, which I am happy for him but well I can’t say much since thats his life and his happy with it, yet I do not want our brother bond to fade away as much as I can see.

Busy Celebrations

Phew, I guess I’ve gotten older and older, definitely weaker physical body already. Gotten tired ultra easily =.= But thats something interesting when attending YanJia’s 21st celebration. Though I admit, I pangsehed my sec sch people for another good buddy’s day =.= which is my deepest apologies.

But then 1 thing that I was pretty looking forward to, is seeing my long time not seen friend on the limelight again, and entertaining the crowd. Seriously a long period of time. However I do have to say this again, during the celebration when old friends meet, is as though enemies of the present collide with each other. Formerly had good friendship and relationships, that turned sour and till now… It is a real pity, though we did not show it as we do not  want to ruin the atmosphere, for my god-sister.

Initially, a group of laughters and humorous group with interesting people, but it has been split up, into 2. With some of the people not being able to talk to each other, but at least I still have some words with some of them to prove that I’m still a normal person. Yet it has not been the case for them to mingle around with us. For this, there is no blame, I do feel the sympathy that is occurring and surfacing gradually.

Again this question of why a former set of good friends, who once spoke our hearts out to each other, laughters almost everyday with each other’s company, turn out to become rivals, though on the mouth saying that ‘everything is in the past’, where the intention of this is different from the actual behavior of such?

Ultimately, photo taking session supposed to have only 1 set of picture up, that in the current situation has resulted into 2 groups, namely ‘Ayam Brand Tuna Group’ vs ‘The Gabriel Gang’. It was never something new to me about this, but the names of 2 such group emerged today.

But nonetheless, YanJia’s 21st was really a well made event by her friends, I seriously felt happy for her for being herself and enjoying her relationship with her awesome boyfriend, Song Kiu. The entire celebration brought us to know about how much she’ve enjoyed university life and being in voices. It must have been a very memorable night for her.

Some inspiration….

This month, was truly a month of dehydration… in the sense of dried out of ideas, sudden stoppage in work and lost of motivation. It was a terrible situation when FYP was put on hold for such a long time thanks to the company~ But nonetheless we ought to force our way through and break away that obstacle, so here we are finally moving on.

A few days back, I saw a friend whom we had been a team for 3 days. Hasn’t been talking to her for almost 2 years plus I guess. Since honestly and terribly sorry, I’ve forgotten the name~ but only the face that I’ve recognizes of. Thought of catching up with her sometimes when the tide is being lowered down for work now yeah.

Alright, talking about this friend, I was glancing around her facebook pages, and I noticed that indeed family bonds are important. No matter how much struggles we have in life, it is our family that stands behind us and giving us the provision to shine in the front. The fact that I saw this on her facebook page is because of the family pictures that I saw. It was admirable.

Though I’ve known to myself that, at home family are the ones supportive of us, and in the outside world, is where true friends are there to be our hand-to-hand help. But how are we suppose to be like one that is supportive of them as well? I thought about this for quite sometime, till now I’m still trying to find a suitable answer. To the point that I’ve came to this deduction that generalizes this….

How are you going to be responsible for ourselves in order to make yourself reliable around your family and friends?

Next, by looking through her blog even though its pretty outdated. Friends are really people whom we seek out for and allowing them to make your life, fantastic and wonderful. The ability of such to make them in this way is something known as trust that I know of, but other than that I believe something called motivation and encouragement.

Working society is never a place for one to rest, we require allies to aid in our quest in life. How are you going to utilize these abilities and skills, honing them into perfection, solely depends on how you face your obstacles and creativity.

The reason that I’ve blogged these out, is because I finally found something weird is going on with my mind…. Pride is getting over me that I begun to lose myself into the darkness. Though I’m quite independent on myself, I have a sudden need of allies for the future world.

Thanks to you, Glitter_Daph. You’ve inspired me unknowingly.