My current days….

Alright, after my graduation it turned into that I am enlisted into the army after working for 2 months and resting for a month.

My days in army for these 2 months, wasn’t something extremely nice and extremely ugly, it just that I am under tremendous pressure most of the time… Good thing that I’ve great bunk mates or so called section mates that doesn’t hate each other but kept pushing each other on, motivational and encouraging for each and everyone living under the same room.

However I feel very confused and dilemma-tic, due to the fact that I am a medically sick person who is allocated into a combat unit. Before I go on, I have to say that despite being allocated into such a tough vocation, I always tell myself to endure endure and endure. It is not easy, seriously it is hectic and taking a huge toll on my body. Around 75%, I have to fall out after every activities due to my chest pain, and 30% I am sent to the medical center. Always given painkillers and always told by the same story that I will have to repeat my course for another 4 months, I felt really threatened and have to share my troubles with my section commander, I feel like a troubled person in my platoon and company -.- THAT IS NOT FUN AT ALL.

Countless times that I’ve been to the medical center that most of the personal knows me and even told by the officer that I am having psychological problem, I am fine with it but I do not know why though. No choice, I have to approach a specialist in National Heart Center, and I was told that it was my old problem relapsing again. Then I have to go back for further review and go through a stress test for my heart for deeper investigation.

Till now I am still in a dilemma of what I should do, it seems like genuine problem or fake problem, the medical officer also treat it with the same thing as long as you have no hair on your head that knocks onto his door and sit down to have a conversation with -.-
It is either I endure the pain throughout the whole phase so as not to allow my authorities suspect that I am faking and condition changes? OR I go for a downgrade which will not jeopardize my health condition but at the cost of unable to graduation with my section mates? Whenever thinking of this, I will shed my tears as I’ve never face a stress which I cannot solve, but this is something that was unreasonably unsolvable by own means =.=

Sigh, this is a troublesome thing now… Good thing I’ve great brothers like Gabriel, Tee Ang, Derry and Kenneth and even Aggie to keep me going… Most of the time booking out we will meet up to think about problems and chill out. Else I may end up becoming a psychotic animal =.=

Booking in later on, hope it won’t turn out to be a tough moment for this week…. I shall continue praying…

Sighness

The world is in a mess right now…. The recent gigantic incident that struck Japan had gotten me worried almost everyday, it has been a long time since I’ve been worrying about something. I’m seriously saddened and heartbroken when I saw that catastrophe happened, I mean that this kind of thing shouldn’t happened to a country with high culture, among all the countries that I’ve known, they are one of the best in my opinion, furthermore I would want to live there when I grow older as well. Japan is seriously a country of my ideal dream and hopes.

If only I have a choice of going to Japan to help those people out in the disaster area, lend a hand to the people who are having difficulties in Japan, I will do it. I know this is something that I ‘kept’ saying and not showing any action, hence futile and the least I could do is to pray for them and donate money to them. I strongly believe that this shall be a turning point for the better of Japan, よくすお、にほん！、がんばてにほんじん！

Apart from the Japan incident, I would want to voice out that the recent ‘humanoid’ incident that happened, and its related to church again, but it has almost no effect on me as I’ve left and I’m more like a renegade now. Someone was kicked out again, out of what reason which I’m not sure, but as far as I can tell is that if they keep on kicking, then I do not think something spiritual will surface again, simple as that because it has turned political since the start and it is still ongoing with human activities rather than spiritual life…End.

My personal life is still ongoing, beside worrying about Yunna-nee in Japan, am still going on as a worker back in school, which earns me 7 bucks an hour, which is not that bad for a fresh graduate from polytechnic bleh~ Besides, I do find that the brotherhood is drifting apart soon, and I definitely have to host out something to bring them back together, the only obstacle would be time and unforeseen circumstances. Ever since Gab gotten his love life, which I am happy for him but well I can’t say much since thats his life and his happy with it, yet I do not want our brother bond to fade away as much as I can see.

Busy Celebrations

Phew, I guess I’ve gotten older and older, definitely weaker physical body already. Gotten tired ultra easily =.= But thats something interesting when attending YanJia’s 21st celebration. Though I admit, I pangsehed my sec sch people for another good buddy’s day =.= which is my deepest apologies.

But then 1 thing that I was pretty looking forward to, is seeing my long time not seen friend on the limelight again, and entertaining the crowd. Seriously a long period of time. However I do have to say this again, during the celebration when old friends meet, is as though enemies of the present collide with each other. Formerly had good friendship and relationships, that turned sour and till now… It is a real pity, though we did not show it as we do not  want to ruin the atmosphere, for my god-sister.

Initially, a group of laughters and humorous group with interesting people, but it has been split up, into 2. With some of the people not being able to talk to each other, but at least I still have some words with some of them to prove that I’m still a normal person. Yet it has not been the case for them to mingle around with us. For this, there is no blame, I do feel the sympathy that is occurring and surfacing gradually.

Again this question of why a former set of good friends, who once spoke our hearts out to each other, laughters almost everyday with each other’s company, turn out to become rivals, though on the mouth saying that ‘everything is in the past’, where the intention of this is different from the actual behavior of such?

Ultimately, photo taking session supposed to have only 1 set of picture up, that in the current situation has resulted into 2 groups, namely ‘Ayam Brand Tuna Group’ vs ‘The Gabriel Gang’. It was never something new to me about this, but the names of 2 such group emerged today.

But nonetheless, YanJia’s 21st was really a well made event by her friends, I seriously felt happy for her for being herself and enjoying her relationship with her awesome boyfriend, Song Kiu. The entire celebration brought us to know about how much she’ve enjoyed university life and being in voices. It must have been a very memorable night for her.

Some inspiration….

This month, was truly a month of dehydration… in the sense of dried out of ideas, sudden stoppage in work and lost of motivation. It was a terrible situation when FYP was put on hold for such a long time thanks to the company~ But nonetheless we ought to force our way through and break away that obstacle, so here we are finally moving on.

A few days back, I saw a friend whom we had been a team for 3 days. Hasn’t been talking to her for almost 2 years plus I guess. Since honestly and terribly sorry, I’ve forgotten the name~ but only the face that I’ve recognizes of. Thought of catching up with her sometimes when the tide is being lowered down for work now yeah.

Alright, talking about this friend, I was glancing around her facebook pages, and I noticed that indeed family bonds are important. No matter how much struggles we have in life, it is our family that stands behind us and giving us the provision to shine in the front. The fact that I saw this on her facebook page is because of the family pictures that I saw. It was admirable.

Though I’ve known to myself that, at home family are the ones supportive of us, and in the outside world, is where true friends are there to be our hand-to-hand help. But how are we suppose to be like one that is supportive of them as well? I thought about this for quite sometime, till now I’m still trying to find a suitable answer. To the point that I’ve came to this deduction that generalizes this….

How are you going to be responsible for ourselves in order to make yourself reliable around your family and friends?

Next, by looking through her blog even though its pretty outdated. Friends are really people whom we seek out for and allowing them to make your life, fantastic and wonderful. The ability of such to make them in this way is something known as trust that I know of, but other than that I believe something called motivation and encouragement.

Working society is never a place for one to rest, we require allies to aid in our quest in life. How are you going to utilize these abilities and skills, honing them into perfection, solely depends on how you face your obstacles and creativity.

The reason that I’ve blogged these out, is because I finally found something weird is going on with my mind…. Pride is getting over me that I begun to lose myself into the darkness. Though I’m quite independent on myself, I have a sudden need of allies for the future world.

Thanks to you, Glitter_Daph. You’ve inspired me unknowingly.

What could it be?

Humans, somehow an interesting creature, with intelligence higher than most of the animals on earth yet…. over-intellectual that brings doom sooner or later. Sounds scary? that’s pretty true in the future.

It has been rather a long period, around 8 months since a tragic incident happen that actually separates most of the once closed people apart… Talkative ones turned silent upon meeting one another, the word ‘weird’ was being reminded in their mind. Everyone remembered the event but kept in silence to avoid further awkward feeling towards one another… Why does this happen? When close and good friends turns stranger all of a sudden because of a world shaking incident? No one knows… As the choice lies…

Reason why I brought this up, is pretty simple. Deceiving actions, words can be placed on top of every single incident, the truth resides in lies, and the lies resides in truth… Contradictory is what you will be thinking right now if you’re reading this. This is something known as a skill to differentiate which is more logical and furthermore aids in seeing things in clarity. It was not easy…. not easy at all…

On top of that, every single things that are visible to me, allowed me to look at it at a very sad manner. Will the past us, be able to be like before where laughter and joy originates from? Will we be able to come together and enjoy each other’s company? Will we be able to truly understand each other? Lastly, will we be able to respect each other? It has been a challenge to me, and some of my comrades. For that particular past, I asked myself several questions about that incident which I still remember but not vividly anymore, all I could think of is nothing but a mere routine that is happening… Humans, once clouded by deception can hardly be shown the sunlight unless they are guided. Again the question lies, who will want to be helped? Will they accept any assistance given?

I myself, had been through and seen through, refused to give up the hope of supporting my friends who were in trouble times. Was asked to let go but to me, it is never about letting go, it is about where friendship lies, no matter how wrong they are, and how deluged they are, I will be the sky that covers them and reach out my hands when they requires it.

What about you? If you were in either situation? What would you do? Why do you choose this? Something to ponder about…

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